The hunchback Of nordschleife, deutschland

From the grave “It’s not a Porsche,” to the grade school, “It’s really ugly,” insults come from all angles, aimed squarely at its hunchback. You won’t find me among the critics, because to define this car by its styling is to mock Apollo 11 for having food that isn’t particularly good.

I recently spent a week in a V-6 Panamera, facing both clear skies and a deluge that smothered Los Angeles. The verdict? It is a truly wonderful car.

 Handling is doubly impressive: Our tester generated a 0.99 g average around the skidpad. Its best, 25.0-sec Figure Eight lap time slots between the last M3 Competition package and C63 AMG we tested. Yet, lap times don’t explain the thrill of driving. Through light, sensitive steering, a telepathic twin-clutch gearbox, and an eager chassis, the Panamera evokes joy and a sense of responsiveness that may fall short of Boxster levels. 

Rain-fearing traffic may slow down, but the Porsche effortlessly negotiates bends, potholes, and the ever-present hydroplaning ne’er-do-well. And it will do so carrying four passengers and their cargo in comfort. Or Fido — those rear seats fold flat. Check out your window if you ever fly into Frankfurt International and you’ll see a fleet of black Panamanians pulling Benz S-Class duties.

Over dinner, they discussed art, namely, the importance of the third dimension that Alexander Calder brought to abstractionism — the very same Calder that BMW commissioned to create its first Art Car, a 3.0 CSL. The topic then turned to the Panamera and — shock — they admired its “interesting” shape. 

But so would a Leatherman; you don’t wield a fashion accessory. And yet this experience with my relatives leads me to believe that, by itself, the Panamera will only find criticism from cynics and so-called enthusiasts who carry some imaginary vested interest in the brand. 

Lest we forget, Porsche’s history revolves around this established hive mind hating whatever new vehicle it makes.

If the worst thing the Panamera does is offend your fragile aesthetic sensibilities, then it’s off to an amazing start. We will one day realize this and look at it with fondness.  Porsche’s hunchback will garner the respect and admiration it so rightfully deserves.